Day 1 - It is so past time to lose this weight!

Hi, my name is Alyssa and I have decided to write this journal as a way to keep myself honest as I work to rid myself of around 100 pounds. Before I explain why this online blog is necessary, let me give you some background on myself.

I am 34 years old, am the wife of a loving husband of 9 years and mother to a 2 1/2 year old (gorgeous) daughter. I was, also, born with a disability called congenital limb deformity, meaning born with arms that end at the knees and legs that end at the elbows. I have great range of motion but spend my days sitting in an electric wheelchair getting little unplanned exercise. Additionally, I am a sedentary personality who would rather curl up with a good book than do aerobics which makes it hard for me to get moving.

I have struggled with my weight for a long time. 2 times before, I have lost excess of 50 pounds and twice gained them all back plus some. At 21, I got motivated into losing all the weight because I wanted to get out and date (not a new story, huh) and meet the man of my dreams. I kept the weight off for a few years and after meeting and marrying my husband (yeah man of my dreams!), I fell into a rut and gained back all the weight and more.

Then in 2005, I turned 30 and decided that I desperately wanted to have a baby. However, when considering could I handle pregnancy (and believe me when I say that could be a whole other blog!), my husband felt strongly that part of that decision needed to include weight loss. I was 211 pounds which is obese for someone that, due to missing limbs, is effectively 3'6". My range of motion was already severely compromised due to weight and I had had, for many years, chronic back and leg pains. I had tried (and failed) to lose weight so many times that I almost despaired. I couldn't find will power for myself but apparently, I could for my future child. I joined weight watchers online and through eating right and swimming, I lost 60 pounds! Though not at my optimum weight, I was within a healthy range and (being impatient) I immediately began trying for a baby.

Julia was born 12/3/2006 and I was thrilled! Motherhood was wonderful and I feel blessed everyday I spend with her and my husband. Unfortunately, over the next year, I failed to remove baby weight and gained right back up to 200 pounds. This weight gain has made me feel depressed and frustrated and I spend too much time unhappy. I have tried so many diets over the 2 years since my daughter was born but lacked the motivation necessary to commit. I am wasting these years that my daughter is young because I feel bad physically and emotionally. Not to mention that I am terrified that I will teach her my poor habits.

Ok, so why am I pouring out all these boring personal details online? No, I'm not one of those people who blogs everyday. Actually, I am super private and have never put anything this personal online. I am writing this blog because I am normally really embarrassed about my weight and I realized today that this is a lot of the problem. I am so disgusted with myself and not happy with the way I feel and look. As a result, I defeat myself before I begin. For instance, I have never wanted to join weight watchers meeting because I was afraid to share my need to lose weight with others and didn't want to weigh in publicly. You see, I need to climb down from my wheelchair to do step on the scale. These are self defeatist excuses and they stop now!

I am leaving in a few minutes to go to my first weight watchers meeting and I am going to start eating right tonight. I will be keeping this blog up to remind myself of the goals I am setting tonight. If you care to follow my progress, feel free. The journal is for me to make sure I stay on track but if you want to share your stories, I would love to hear them!